5 Bad Wisconsin Political Figures and Why J.B. Van Hollen is worse than all of them.

In honor of the impending decision on Wisconsin Attorney General and Wisconsin McCain Campaign Co-Chair J.B. Van Hollen's lawsuit seeking to toss hundreds of thousands of (overwhelmingly Democratic-leaning) voters off of the rolls just in time for the Presidential election, I've decided that Van Hollen is the worst political figure in Wisconsin history. So to prove my point, here's a list 5 Wisconsin politicians I don't like and why J.B. Van Hollen is worse than each of them.

Kathleen Falk:

Why she’s bad:

Her near decade of service as Dane County Executive often reads less like a record of solid achievements for the county and more like the build-up of her own resume. With her work on her 2002 gubernatorial race, 2007-08 campaigning for Hillary Clinton, and her 2006 race for Attorney General where she saw an opening after sitting A.G. Peg Lautenschlager got a DWI. Her primary race against Peg split the Democratic Party but narrowly allowed for a Falk win. Her general election campaign for Attorney General, basically trying to elect a Dane County Liberal in very purple Wisconsin, allowed Mr. J. B. Van Hollen to win the race in a year when Republicans across the board lost. This victory allowed J.B. Van Hollen to become the biggest rising star in the Republican Party.

Falk is also trying change the “drinking culture” in Madison and her War on Drinking sounds like it will be just about as effective as the War on Drugs or the War on Terror. Though, if I’m wrong for only the third time in my life (The first two times are when I thought that ordering Domino’s Pizza was a good idea one night and when I thought that the 2nd and 3rd Pirates of the Caribbean movies wouldn’t totally suck) and the War on Drinking does actually work, it will prevent other Wisconsin elected officials from getting DWIs; thus preventing future Kathleen Falk statewide-races, so that would be nice.

Why she isn’t as bad as J.B. Van Hollen:

Sure, Falk has spent a lot of her elected time running for other offices, but at least she doesn’t break the law while on state time. Though J.B. Van Hollen thinks it’s fine if you do break the law, as long as you are his political ally. J.B. Van Hollen refused to investigate charges about now-Wisconsin Supreme Court Justice Michael Gableman abusing state resources. As Ashland County District Attorney, Gableman used a state phone to make calls to the Wisconsin Republican Party, McCallum for Governor Campaign and numerous Republican fundraisers. All calls that are highly illegal using state resources, whoopsies. But who really expects a county DA to know about the law? And who expects a state DA to prosecute crimes when someone of a similar political view is involved?

During the approximately 19 months where Falk hasn’t been running for another, there are times when she has helped get through really good legislation. Recently, she worked with the Dane County Board to decree that the county won’t do business with businesses that don’t offer partner benefits. See, there’s some good reform that only adds a tiny amount to health care costs and getting good stuff done in a tough budget year. Meanwhile, J.B. Van Hollen has spent the off hours from his primary job of being a political hack by fighting Wisconsin’s biggest legal concern: the merger of XM and Sirius Satellite Radio. I feel safer already.

Jim Sensenbrenner:

Why he’s bad:

Saying that Sensenbrenner, the Representative from Wisconsin’s 5th Congressional District, occasionally abused his power as Chairman of the House Judiciary Committee is like saying that Yakov Smirnoff occasionally observed differences between daily life in the Soviet Union and the US. Sensenbrenner had his hands on nearly every infamous piece of Republican party-line legislation, serving as one of House managers of Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial and being the House member to introduce the PATRIOT Act. Thanks Jimmy for having the wisdom as Judicary Chairman to introduce a sweeping bill that was handed to you by the State Department, with wide-reaching effects on Civil Liberties, and making sure that it got passed before anyone had a chance to read it. Sensenbrenner must have been proud of that PATRIOT Act because when the Act was up for renewal, the Democrats in the House started asking too many questions he ordered cameras and lights turned off in the committee room.

Also, Sensenbrenner used his authority to block a bill that would increase penalties for making animals fight (H.R. 817) so apparently he hates puppies. Or at least puppies that don’t win fights.

Why he isn’t as bad as J.B. Van Hollen:

Even as a ridiculously partisan guy, Sensenbrenner has very occasionally worked across party lines. He was the only Republican in Nancy Pelosi. Somehow ultraconservative Jim managed to spend hours in the same plane and then the same room as Nancy Pelosi, a woman whom Republicans consider to be a greater sign of liberalism than a black lesbian illegal immigrant performing a 2nd trimester abortion. Sensenbrenner even said: "In the US Congress, there is no division between Democrats and Republicans on the issue of protecting Tibetan culture and eliminating repression against Tibetans around the world.” Wow, that’s um… awfully grown up, seeing Sensenbrenner work with Democrats is like watching that old Coca-Cola ad where Mean Joe throws his jersey to the kid who gives him a Coke, it restores your faith in humanity.

Meanwhile, J.B. has demoted qualified people if they sent joking e-mails about him around or pushed them into retirement if they disagreed with his politics. When Jim Sensenbrenner has a longer history of bipartisan achievements than you, it’s clear that you are a horrible elected official.

Chuck Chvala:

Why he’s bad:

For those of you who are newer to Wisconsin, Chuck Chvala was the former Democratic leader in the State Senate who used his staffers and campaign offices to run political campaigns. As you would remember from the Gableman example, that’s highly illegal. Chvala’s abuses of power helped to tarnish the long-held reputation of Wisconsin as a state with clean politics dating back to the days of Fighting Bob LaFollette. Also, beyond the illegal stuff, Chvala really helped establish an acrid tone for partisan politics that helped establish the nasty tones politicians in Wisconsin, including Van Hollen, take today.

Why he isn’t as bad as J.B. Van Hollen:

While Chvala may have damaged the reputation of LaFollette’s progressive legacy, Van Hollen is working to destroy it completely. It’s shameful that in a state that pioneered the Open Primary, giving citizens greater access to democracy, Van Hollen is working tirelessly with his current lawsuit to deprive Wisconsin citizens of their right to vote.

Plus, Chvala lost his political prestige and went to jail for mixing campaigning with serving in office while J.B is still serving as McCain’s Wisconsin co-chair while advancing a McCain-boosting political agenda using his official office. Van Hollen is still the state’s top cop with a lot of political power while Chuck is now serving a sentence worse than jail time: hosting a web-only show for WISC-TV in Madison. At least in prison, you get to see other inmates in the yard, this web-only political show is hidden so deep on Channel3000.com that it’s almost impossible to find. Seriously, try going to channel3000.com and finding Chvala’s show on there and tell me if you can find it in less than 5 minutes, I dare ya.

James S. Haney

Why he’s bad:

Less famous than the others on this list and not actually an elected official, James Haney has had a larger impact on Wisconsin politics in the last few years serving as President of business lobbying group Wisconsin Manufacturers & Commerce. Haney and WMC have funneled tons of cash towards making sure that pro-business candidates get elected by any means necessary. They are even willing to say that their candidate’s opponents are best buddies with rapists if it means less government regulation on businesses.

Why he isn’t as bad as J.B. Van Hollen:

As I said, he isn’t an elected offical. He’s a lobbyist, a lobbyist for big business. By that very definition I expect him to lack morals and ethics and be a sneaky jerk. But when somebody holds the office of Attorney General, I think they have an important duty to uphold the law, even if their interpretation of the law is drastically different than mine. J.B. Van Hollen should be held to a high standard and seeing his office file politically-motivated potentially-disenfranchising lawsuit makes me lose faith in the offices of government… Wow, that got too serious, so um… poopy pants. There, that lightened it back up.

Joe McCarthy:

Why he’s bad:

He’s freaking Joe McCarthy. He held witch hunts using the power of the U.S. Senate to try and root out fictitious Communists.

Why he isn’t as bad as J.B. Van Hollen:

Sure, Joe McCarthy held witch hunts using the power of the U.S. Senate to try and root out fictitious Communists but looking back on it, it almost looks quaint these days. McCarthy actually managed to find some Communists, even if their threat was completely and ridiculously overblown, there was an actual (minor) threat to begin with. J.B. has done McCarthy one better and made up threats, considering Van Hollen made the case in 2006 that he needed to be elected in order to fight against terrorist training camps in Wisconsin. As somebody who likes to make jokes about the news, I almost get mad when something like “Wisconsin Terrorist Camps?” is a headline because the idea itself is so rediculous, there is really nowhere to go to make it funnier. It’s like making Sarah Palin jokes, sure you can come up with some zingers but nothing will be funnier than just repeating her actual quotes, you can’t top her mindlessness.

At least Senator McCarthy was honest and open about his persecutions, he admitted he was trying to root out Commies. Meanwhile, J.B. Van Hollen carries out his political crusades and has the gall to lie about the underlying partisan motivations. When refering to his now-infamous get rid of voters lawsuit, he actually said, “I think people will realize if there's one thing we haven't done since I've been attorney general is do things for partisan or political reasons.”

Man, I strongly dislike J.B. Van Hollen.