25 Random Facts About Meat

These lists of 25 random facts seem popular on Facebook. Am I doing this right?

1. Meat, in the common modern definition, refers to the muscle tissue and selected edible organs of animals. Fish are sometimes not considered to be meat. Eggs and milk are usually not considered to be meat. Paper is almost never considered to be meat.

2. Meat is not eaten by everyone. Those who do not eat meat are known as poor people.

3. Meat of all types is eaten by Muslims, with the exception of pork. This is because the Koran states that Muhammad was transported to the Temple of Solomon where Allah showed Muhammad the movie Babe.

4. Meat is not a semi-forgotten sci-fi franchise that will be relaunched as a huge summer movie directed by JJ Abrams. You are thinking of Star Trek.

5. Meat is often molded into sculptures of Family Guy characters as a form of pop-art. Most popular is the Meat-er Griffin.

6. Meat is what some people call the inside of fruit. Like when someone says, “I’m scooping out the meat of the grapefruit.” That just sounds gross.

7. Meat has almost no carbs. I thought this was obvious but I saw this fact on some billboard as I driving into Milwaukee so maybe some stupid people out there don’t know this.

8. Meat production is viewed by a U.N. study as having drastically increase the following: air and water pollution, land degradation, climate change, loss of biodiversity, and your inability to enjoy a burger right after reading this.

9. Meat is divided into red meat and white meat. White meat is supposed to be healthier than red meat which seems a little racist to me.

10. Meat and milk are not allowed to be mixed under the Jewish dietary law of kashrut, but kashrut says nothing about mixing milk and fish so feel free to enjoy that halibut milkshake.

11. Meat, in the future, may be grown from meat samples as in-vitro muscle tissue in laboratories, eliminating the need to kill animals. Hunting will still take place, as guys in orange will get drunk and head out into the woods to slay wild petri-dishes.

12. Meat often comes from animals that never have a chance to leave a small pen their entire lives where they have to eat food off of a floor covered in their own poop. So, really, the lives of these animals are not unlike the lives of people who live in efficiency apartments.

13. Meat is one of the only forms of food that comes in T form.

14. Meat from lions has been dismissed as a farmable food source, according to studies by industrial farm groups that said it wouldn’t be profitable. Seriously, they were looking to raise lions for meat?

15. Meat is a term that Aboriginal Australians use that refers to their clans. I.E. “What meat are you from?” If I was from Australia, I hope I would be from the Buffalo Wing clan.

16. Meat market is often a term used for bars where people are trying to hook up and meat is often used at a slang term for male genitalia. I found both of these facts out when I went to a place that I thought was a deli, as a friend described it as a “meat market,” and asked for a good, think cut of meat.

17. Meat can be purchased from Whole Foods. The meat will usually be free-range and organic, the trade-offs are higher prices and dealing with nasty stares from the hippie customers.

18. Meat is considered to be unhealthy by many nutritionists. For example, the T-Rex ate a diet consisting entirely of meat and you don’t see them around anymore.

19. Meat and Oprah once got into a protracted legal battle. Oprah won but meat shouldn’t take it too badly, no one can beat Oprah.

20. Meat, according to the Bible, has been edible ever since God allowed Noah to eat meat after the great flood. Boy, it had to suck for that cow who just sat through that boat trip only to get to dry land and find out that I’m dinner.

21. Meat and potatoes are often viewed as perfect partners in making a good meal. This is just an illusion as relations between meat and potatoes have been strained for the last several years.

22. Meat you buy at the grocery store is often from another country and has travelled thousands of miles. While you have probably never left the United States, except for maybe one time studying abroad. What are you doing with your life when ground chuck has traveled more than you?

23. Meat, as a topic, can only generate 22 interesting facts.

24. Meat is often held to the face when someone receives a black eye. The meat doesn’t actually do anything to decrease the swelling but it won’t judge you when you cry from the pain of getting hit in the face.

25. Meat is. It just is, man.