I might be Chairman of the Dane County Republican Party

This week’s Isthmus has an article by Bill Lueders, discussing how the Chairman of the Dane County Republican Party(RPDC) refuses to reveal his identity to the press. He fears that public knowledge of his identity would impact his business because Liberals would discriminate against him. This didn’t seem like a good reason to me as: 1) hippies have no money and 2) as Lueders points out, conservatives like T. Wall get a ton of money from the liberal government and Democrats still buy houses from him. If the Chair of RPDC wants to stay hidden, it’s got to be something way bigger. Like it will tear everything apart if this secret identity is revealed, perhaps no one knows who the real Chairman’s identity is. Maybe even the Chairman himself.

I was thinking back to the last several months of my life and noting that there have been several times when I’ve blacked out and couldn’t remember what happened. Sure, most of those might be a result of binge drinking but what if I wasn’t either passed out or drunk dialing… what if I was secretly living a double life? What if this personality was the Chairman of the Dane County Republican Party?


Have I secretly been Tyler Durden-ing it around town? The Republican Party is a lot like Fight Club, pissed-off men meeting in darkened rooms but instead of becoming domestic terrorists, they accuse everyone else of being domestic terrorists. When I think I go to sleep, do I really just get back up and say things like, “Obama’s rise to power reminds me a lot of Hitler. Both came to power during times of economic crisis.”

Secret Republican-Party Chair Me’s plan is absolutely brilliant, hiding in plain sight. not unlike NBC’s series (and People's Choice Award nominee!!) My Own Worst Enemy where a super-secret spy has another identity during his off-hours where he is a mild-mannered guy, and get this… he doesn’t even know he’s also a spy. What better place for a rich conservative real-estate broker to hide than as a 25-year old guy who struggles with ties and whose property holdings consist of an impressive collection of Star Trek DVDs and a lamp made from an old Grand Marnier bottle.

My nestegg.

I was hoping future episodes My Own Worst Enemy would show me how to deal with my problem as Christian Slater comes to term with his multiple identities but the show has already been canceled, so I’m getting nothing from Slater. That guy hasn’t been able to give me a useful plan for anything, not since that time I started a pirate radio station. Well, maybe when I had to figure out how to take my autistic brother to video game competition but I really think Fred Savage had more to do with that so I’m giving Savage the assist on that one.

Perhaps they have to work even harder on the secrecy as parts of my daytime personality are starting to leek out while I’m serving as RPDC chair. (I know Alternate Republican me is definitely leaking into regular me, I’ve been recycling a lot less). Just look at this Letter from the Chairman from the RPDC October Newsletter. (Note: I’ve blocked out the alias I use while serving as chair)

Just read the sentence where I say that, “It’s been 24 years since Wisconsin went to the Republicans. We can do it again in 2008!” The phrase, “We can do it again,” sounds like it’s saying the Republicans can lose again, which must mean I’m sabotaging them from the inside. It’s either that or the Chairman of the Dane County Republicans is a horrible writer. And the part about celebrating Republicans ‘victories’ must be my idea of a joke. I’m a funny guy.

Am I really the Chair of the Dane County Republican Party? I don’t know, the double personality sounds ridiculous but it still sounds less silly than the really crazy theory I heard that it’s just some Real Estate guy named Mike Herl who is too scared to publicly admit his party affiliation. That just sounds wacky.